"Jealousy

Turning saints into the sea."

Um dos vários males que aflige meu s2 é o ciúme.
Sofro por não me sentir a única. Sofro por babaquice. Sofro porque me torturo. Sofro porque me sinto idiota. Sofro porque sei que não deveria sentir nada disso. Sofro por me sentir neurótica e imbecil. Sofro porque tenho medo. Sofro por achar que não tenho direito de sentir ciúme. Sofro por desejar com intensidade excessiva ser a única, pra sempre, mesmo sabendo que isso é impossível e não recomendável.

Dose de melancolia

Eu vivo em busca de clareza, de certezas. Eu prezo pela verdade dita com todas as letras. Mas ocasionalmente isso significa chegar um ponto em que eu me canso de dar murro em ponta de faca e me deprimo sozinha. Eu não vejo porque dividir isso com a única pessoa que eu ainda tenho.

"Dar murro em ponta de faca."
Depois que entendi o que significava, gostei tanto dessa expressão. Descreve quase todas as minhas tentativas de relacionamento com as pessoas. E não me refiro apenas a relacionamentos românticos, mas a todos a quem amei e quis oferecer minha devoção e simplesmente não quiseram.

Dói.

Eu consigo amar quase incondicionalmente. Só que, aparentemente, isso faz muito mais mal do que bem.

Coisas brilhantes

Pandora: Eu só estive com ele por 3 dias. Thomas. Agora ele se foi.
Anthea: Mas foi divertido enquanto durou, não? Tão divertido.
Pandora: Sim, chama-se amor.
Anthea: Essa é uma palavra grande.
Pandora: Não sei. Quatro letras são... Ah. Mas tenho certeza que é amor. Tudo o que você quer fazer é beijá-lo e... sabe... outras coisas. Coisas brilhantes.
A: É... coisas brilhantes.

- Skins, 3x04

Coldplay - Fix you

When you try your best, but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want, but not what you need,
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try, to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try, to fix you.

Tears stream down your face,
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
I will try to fix you...

Depeche Mode - I want it all

[...]

Sometimes I try

Sometimes I lie, with you

Sometimes I cry

Sometimes I die, it's true

Somewhere I find

Something that's kind

And I've crossed the line again

A line I drew in sand

Still you give me everything

And everything's not enough

I'm ready but not willing

To give myself to you

Sometimes

Sometimes I try

Sometimes I lie, with you

Sometimes I cry

Sometimes I die, it's true

Somewhere I find

Something that's kind

Come on over

Lay down beside me

And I'll try

Come on over

Lay down beside me

And I'll try

And I'll try

I want it all.
-

Sometimes your everything's not enough. But I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'm trying.

Dave Matthews Band - The stone

I've this creeping

Suspicion that things here are not as they seem

Oh, reassure me

Why do I feel as if im in too deep?

Now I've been praying

For some way to show them I'm not what they see

Yes, I have done wrong

But what I did I thought needed be done

I swear

Oh, unholy day

If I leave now I might get away

Oh, but this weighs on me

As heavy as stone and as blue as I go

I was just wondering if you'd come along

To hold up my head when my head wont hold on

I'll do the same if the sames what you want

But if not I'll go

I will go alone

I'm a long way

From that fools mistake

And now forever pay

No, run, I will run and I'll be ok

I was just wondering if you'd come along

Hold up my head when my head wont hold on

I'll do the same if the sames what you want

But if not I'll go

I will go alone

I go a long way

To bury the past for I dont want to pay

Oh, how I wish this

To turn back the clock and do over again

I was just wondering if youd come along

Hold up my head when my head wont hold on

I'll do the same if the sames what you want

But if not I'll go

I will go alone

I need so

To stay in your arms, see your smile, hold you close

And it weighs on me

As heavy as stone and a bone chilling cold

I was just wondering if youd come along

Tell me you will...

Moby - One time we lived

One time we lived
Like the time would never leave
What time we had
The luxury to breathe
I couldn’t see an end
There was no end in sight
Time has risen up time has pulled us down
Bringing darkness to the light

I remember the way you looked
The sun had set
The lights were down
I remember the light in your eyes
Do you remember at all?
Do you remember at all?

Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we had?
Do we know what we need?
Now that it’s gone
Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we had?
Do we know what we need?

One time we lived
Like the time would never end
And now it breaks
Those left alone again
And while the waters course
By the old and pale light
See just what I’ve lost
And die into the night

I remember the way you looked
The sun had set
The lights were down
I remember the light in your eyes
Do you remember at all?
Do you remember at all?

Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we had?
Do we know what we need?
Now that it’s gone

Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we wanted?
Isn’t that what we had?
Do we know what we need?
Now that it’s gone