words

a palavra criada
amorfa e fluida
é supostamente minha arte

politizo-me e tento
desconstruir noções de dons e talentos
escrevo porque preciso
(a mim, é vital expressar-me)
escrevo porque gosto
e escevo porque posso

escrevo e reescrevo minha dor
noção ocidental de que o verbalizado soa mais real
escrevo como expiação
alívio fácil e grátis
com apenas um ou outro colateral

às vezes acho que o faço mal
assim como sobrevivo: mal
contudo, me basta que saia
a palavra

não preciso, talvez, de reconhecimento
visões subjetivas sobre ter ou não ou existir talento
quero sobretudo este alento

escrevo como sobrevivo:
bem ou mal
sigo

"and what do I get
for my pain?

betrayed desires
and a piece of the game 

despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage
someone will say what is lost can never be saved

and i still believe that i cannot be saved
and i still believe that i cannot be saved
and i still believe that i cannot be saved"

três questões:
se sou capaz de viver
se sou capaz de suportar solidão
se sou capaz de amar sem depender visceralmente

olho seus olhos
se tenho uma certeza nessa vida é que gostaria de olhá-los para sempre.

"I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow

I watched the stars crash in the sea

If I could ask God just one question

Why aren't you here with me

tonight?"

meds

i took my meds
and there was a part of me hoping that
they would make me forget
myself
as i said
"i'm going to take meds
'cause i've been myself for eighteen years and it didn't work out"

being fifteen and listening to radiohead
"i want to be someone else or i'll explode"
and it was a urge
even though i'm not sure if i'd rather be dead

nowadays
i honestly don't know
i wanted to vanish, i wanted to fade away
i wanted to die, i wanted to kill myself

but what if i stay?
just a little bit longer
try just a little bit harder
breathe just a little bit deeper
hold on just one more time
until being alive become less painful
easier
life not being a burden on my shoulders
probably i won't ever think being alive is a gift or a bliss
but maybe a chance
yes, i said a lot of times i wish i wasn't born
but i did
and if i'm here
let's give it a try
i'm doing my best
will it be enough?
if life says "no"
i love you so much sometimes my soul feel whole.

entre vítima e sobrevivente
escolho o caminho do meio
cedo ao "tente"
mais uma vez
e outra
e outra
e outra